Kate Warren

fiction with humor and heart

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Author Bio
  • Bookshelf
  • Contact Kate
  • Exclusive Excerpt!
  • A Guide to NaNo Genres
  • Image Galleries
  • Links
Excerpt

Aggression and Autism

4/30/2012

5 Comments

 
You might not know this but there are autistic children who have problems with aggression.  I'm not talking about bullies.  Autistic children aren't capable of bullying, in fact they are often the victims of bullying.

There are several theories on why some autistic children are aggressive.  A recent study has found that some factors make no difference, they include: level of functioning, level of intelligence (as measured by IQ scores), the education level of the parents, gender, low income.  Pretty much all the things that tend to be indicators in the general population are non-indicators for autistic children.  The only thing they know for sure has something to do with it is repetitive behaviors, also called stimming.  

I know this issue intimately because I have a son who is aggressive.  He is the most affected of the three boys (meaning his autism is worse than that of his brothers).  In general he is a happy, laid-back, loving kid.  But when he gets overwhelmed he sometimes loses control.  It's hard because he's only eight but he's tall and strong for his age, nearly as strong as his father who grew up tossing hay bales around like they were frisbees.

I have scars leftover from scratches and bites.  I've been kicked and hit, and had things thrown at me.  So has almost everyone in the family.  He's been exceptionally gentle with his little sister and the dog.  But even they get in the way sometimes.

Whenever our youngest son goes into a meltdown priority one is make sure his sister is out of the room, then see to the dog's safety.  When possible we try to get him into a room that is set aside as a safe place for him.  There's nothing in there that we can't replace if he breaks it, and nothing with which he can hurt himself.   We never know for certain when he will lose control, but he always cries and apologizes when he comes back to himself.  This is not something he wants.

We do know what sets him off but he is inconsistent about it.  He doesn't understand why he can't go to his grandparents' house on a school day.  Most days he is fine with being told no on that.  Once in a while, the disappointment is too much to him.  

Too much sensory stimulation can set him off as well.  That is difficult because he actually seeks out the sensory input that many other children on the spectrum would avoid.  

He does stim and hates having his stimming interrupted.  One of his stims is throwing things into the air to watch them fall.  I mentioned in a previous post that all the flour and starches are locked up.  This is why.  He loves watching powdery things fall on the floor, and on himself.  Another is rewinding videos/DVDs.  This one is pretty common among ASD children.

Our fears about our son and his behavior include the very real possibility that at some point in the future we will be unable to care for him.  He needs almost constant supervision and has for some time.  We are doing everything we can to try and prevent his having to go somewhere else (a treatment home or an institution, scary words for a parent).  The thought of losing him makes me cry.  I remember him as a sweet little baby.  I know he doesn't want to be like this.  And I know that if he had to go away he wouldn't understand.  There isn't anyone here who wouldn't miss him every day, but we will do whatever is best for him, whatever will help him.  There is hope that if it does happen it will be temporary.

Many parents face these same situations and fears every day.  Not everyone has the wonderful support team that we have.  All of the therapy team, doctors and school staff have been wonderful.  We read stories about autistic children being abused at school and we thank God that our boys have never had that, that such amazing and caring people work with our sons.  

One last word.  This is the last day of Autism Awareness Month, so I ask you again to please be aware.  If you see someone out in public with a child who is acting up, please stop before you think ill of the parents, or give them a dirty look, or worse yet say something unhelpful.  That child may be autistic.  That parent may be struggling not to burst into tears.  It is a tough life and each of us with children on the spectrum have felt the condemnation of strangers when our children act unusually in public.  We feel inadequate and sometimes even blame ourselves for things that are beyond our control.  We are just like other parents.  We could use a smile, or a kind word.  Sometimes that will be what helps us get through the rest of the day. 

Thank you for reading what was a difficult post for me to write.  

Kate
5 Comments
Mary Collins
4/30/2012 12:12:27 pm

thank you so much for sharing your story Kate, I too have an autistic son who was extremely aggressive, he was the middle of 5 children, with 2 older siblings (sisters) and 2 younger, a brother and a sister, eventually, it was so dangerous in our house hold that he had to go into residential care full time at age 11. He has calmed down over the years and now at age 25 a gentle giant, he is 6`2, and he no longer speaks, but he is very lovable and loves cuddles, which is could not tolerate before, it has taken many years for his siblings to come to an understanding about his behavior and they now all love him.I wish the best for you and your family.Mary

Reply
Kate Warren
4/30/2012 12:19:33 pm

I am so very sorry to hear about your troubles with your son, Mary. I'm glad that he is calmer and happier now. Thank you for sharing that with me. I wish the best for you as well.

Reply
Angela Quarles link
5/1/2012 01:20:58 am

Thank you for sharing! I knew this was autism awareness month and I figured I was aware simply knowing it existed, but your last paragraph (one last word) made me aware of it in a different way and I thank you so much for that. I had never thought of the fact that an 'ill-behaving' child could have ASD. I know I certainly have passed judgment in the past and I'm sorry if any of them did have ASD.

Reply
Teresa Cypher link
5/6/2012 06:28:37 am

Oh Kate, I can't imagine how hard it was for you to write this. I feel so helpless reading it. I wish that I could give you strength. You are such a strong, wise and caring person. I can't imagine the emotions you manage daily. Your boys--so rough what fate chose for them, could not have been given a better mother. It comes through so clearly in your words. I am stumbling with my words...I reckon a lot of people do that when trying to look for the right thing to say. Maybe not the right thing. I don't worry about the right thing--I worry about how I say it, and possibly sounding insensitive. Because I just don't know, just can't understand your world, your sons' worlds, your daughter's or your hay-bale pitching husband's worlds. I am heartened to read that even though it is horribly difficult, you pull together to cope, to get through it, to manage it the best way possible. If you have to place your son in a different environment--for safety's sake, his and the rest of you, I know it will hurt terribly. I am a mother...and no natter the circumstances, we constantly recheck everything we have done. We wonder if we could have done it differently, better? But, I also know that we (mothers) are harder on ourselves for our parenting decisions--than anyone else could ever be. So we need to temper our own criticism with a healthy dose of caring for ourselves, and forgiving ourselves when we are forced to make a "choice" that is really not a choice at all.

I am done stumbling. I just want your son to have the best situation (as do you), and for you to get through the transition as emotionally whole as possible.

Reply
Kate Warren
5/6/2012 07:07:38 am

Teresa, has anyone told you that you stumble rather well? :) I have tears in my eyes after reading your words of support. Thank you!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    March 2020
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011

    Categories

    All
    Austen
    Authors
    Autism
    Baking
    Current Events
    Dogs
    Giveaway
    History
    Holidays
    Illness
    Insomnia
    Inspiration
    Interview
    Kids
    Love
    Lucky 7
    Meme
    Movies
    Nanowrimo
    Random
    Reading
    Six Sentence Sundays
    Ten Questions
    The Write Stuff
    Time
    Valentine's Day
    Weather
    Weekend Writing Warriors
    Weekend Writing Warriors
    Women
    Write Club
    Writing


Proudly powered by Weebly

Layout design by Stephanie Blantin