Kate Warren

Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview.

Of course. And thank you for this opportunity. In the last few hundred years I haven’t had many chances to tell my side of things.

I think what most people want to know about you is why you went after Henry. How much was it family pressure? Ambition? Or were you really in love with him?

It was really a mixture. Of course I did rather fancy being queen. And Uncle Norfolk was always at me to advance the family. But there was a great deal of affection between Henry and me. Even had there not been, I doubt it would have made much difference. Have you ever been pursued by a king?

Uh, no. Can’t say that I have.

*smiling* Well it’s quite a heady feeling to have a man of such power at your feet, begging for your love and devotion. And Henry in particular was quite a man. I doubt any woman could have resisted.

Tell us about your time as queen.

At first I was caught up in the romance and excitement; the triumph of it all. But gradually I became aware that more and more people were distancing themselves from me. Even my own family. You see, I was made a scapegoat. All the troubles of the land were laid on my shoulders. It was really very clever of Henry, don’t you think? He wanted to be rid of me, and few would oppose him when he wanted something.

I’ve read excerpts from some of Henry’s letters to you during your courtship. He seemed very attached to you. What went wrong?

Henry and I were both so passionate and headstrong. When two such indomitable wills come together, eventually one must subdue the other. I was the victor, and Henry couldn’t stand it. He’d always got his way, you see —always been the strongest personality in the room. 

Your sister Mary was official mistress to Henry at one point. How did you feel about that?

At the time it didn’t bother me…much. Naturally I would have preferred to be the one singled out, but then I was the favorite later. By the time I was Henry’s queen their little fling was ancient history, so there was no reason for me to be unhappy about it. 

How was your relationship with your uncle, the Duke of Norfolk?

Strained, at best. I think he was jealous that I had better hair.

What about your parents?

To tell you the truth I barely knew them except by reputation for much of my childhood. Saw them from time to time, particularly when they wanted to impress upon visitors a sense of family harmony, but I didn’t get what you might call quality time.

You must be very proud of your daughter Elizabeth.

Certainly. She is my vindication. Could such a horrid woman as the stories make me out to be have produced such a superior ruler? 

Many people would credit her father’s genes and influence for her performance as a monarch.

And to some degree they’d have a point. But really, look at Henry’s other children compared to my Elizabeth. If his genes, as you call them, were the deciding factor, Edward and Mary would be remembered as the greatest rules of all time. But are they? Who gave England its Golden Age? My daughter, that’s who.

Did you really have six fingers on one hand?

No, I didn’t. In fact the whole rumor got started when I mistakenly purchased a pair of gloves made over the holidays. What with the rush and the constant celebrations there are so many mistakes made. I’m certainly glad I didn’t purchase any new headdresses that year!

Were you actually a witch?

*laughing* I wish I had been! I could have put a spell on Henry and been done with it.

What did you think of your predecessor, Catherine of Aragon?

She was all right as a person I suppose, but a dead bore socially. And no taste in clothes. 

Tell us about Henry Percy.

Oh yes, the “other” Henry. He was my first love. A childish infatuation.

And…

*arching a brow* And?

Well…um…would you care to share some details of your relationship with him?

I stand by my previous statements on that subject, as I’m sure my agent informed you.

Well, actually he didn’t.

He didn’t? Wait just a minute. *dialing on cell phone* Mitchell, darling! You’re fired, you incompetent boob! *hangs up, smiles sweetly* Now…where were we?

What’s your favorite color?

Deep red. You might call it wine or burgundy.

You were well known for your style. If you were alive today, would you pursue a career in fashion?

Women today have so many options. You really don’t know how lucky you are. However, back to your question: I believe I’d go into politics, though I wouldn’t rule out the fashion world as a side business. I think I’d design jewelry though, rather than clothing. What is that quaint little expression you young folk use? Ah, yes: I love me some bling.

What’s your favorite song?

Ooh! I can’t think of the artist, but it goes like this: “Don’t’cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? ”

Any last words for our readers?

I’d like everyone to know that I was really a rather nice girl considering my background. Henry corrupted me. The lesson that all women should take from this is to be careful who you love. It’s easy to lose your head over a man.

Great advice! Thank you so much for joining us. I’m sure our readers will learn a lot from this interview. And good luck to you in future history books.

Thank you. It’s been my pleasure.

That’s all for this week. As always, thank you for reading.  Be sure to join us next time as we interview Jane Seymour...no, not the actress, the queen. 

Hello and welcome to the first in a series of posts wherein I interview dead people who made a splash in history.  Per the request of my Facebook fans, we will begin with the wives of Henry VIII, and who better for the very first post than his very first wife?

***Disclaimer: this is all in good fun, and no actual communing with the dead has occurred.  Unless otherwise stated, yours truly wrote the answers and most of the questions.***

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Catherine of Aragon...

Thank you for joining us today.

It’s my pleasure.

First off, how’s the afterlife treating you?

I can’t complain.

You were Henry VIII’s first wife and it is well documented that you retained your affection for him even after he tossed you aside like an old glove. What was he like as a young man?

Old glove? I don’t think I much care for that phrase. As a young man, Henry was quite charming. Handsome, tall as an English oak, so sensitive and vivacious, and learned. In truth I never saw him as otherwise. The years did not touch him that I noticed.

So you were in love with him, then?

Of course. What woman who knew him wasn’t?

Is there anything you’d like to say on the subject of Anne Boleyn?

Well…the less said about that little tart, the better.

Her daughter Elizabeth turned out to be one of the greatest monarchs of British history.

Of course. Mistress Boleyn wasn’t without her qualities, few though they were. But young Elizabeth clearly took after her father. Her success is really a tribute to Henry. After all she barely knew the tram-…I mean, her mother.

It’s pretty well documented that Henry was a skank. How did you deal with his mistresses, most of whom were chosen from your ladies-in-waiting?

People have this idea that I was miserable as the long-suffering wife. True it did hurt at first, but in my time it was to be expected of a royal husband. Henry had a short attention span. He was always getting distracted by the latest shiny new thing. That was just the way he was.

It’s been said that your faith sustained you throughout the ordeal of being married to Henry and being removed from your position as queen.

My faith was always a great comfort. In a situation such as mine what else was there? Even had I not been raised in the faith, my marriage would have steered me toward a belief in a higher power. Henry was simply too changeable to be a final authority on much of anything.

Tell us about Prince Arthur.

I didn’t really know him well, but the time we had together was spent conversing on the spiritual and the philosophical. His health and inclinations really didn’t permit anything else. He seemed a fine young gentleman, though he was less than sanguine about the prospect of ruling, and there was absolutely no spark between us.

You insisted on retaining your title as Queen of England even unto your death. Why is that?

I think that should be fairly obvious. His Holiness refused to grant an annulment therefore I was still the rightful queen.

Yes, but Henry broke with the Catholic Church and created the Church of England with himself at the head.

I do not recognize the Church of England. I knew Henry had ego problems, but really—assuming God’s authority? That is a bit much. Besides, the annulment he granted himself was based on the premise that Arthur and I had consummated our union, and that did not happen.

How do you feel about your daughter Mary’s reign as Queen? About the persecution of Protestants that earned her the nickname Bloody Mary and spawned a perfectly hideous nursery rhyme?

The media can be so horrible, can’t they? The situation grieves me deeply.

That’s it? That’s all you have to say?

My lawyers have advised me not to comment further on this matter.

Oh, I see. Well then…what can you tell us about your parents?

They were like any other royal parents I suppose. Both were very busy. Mama could be quite distant at times, but we never doubted her love. Papa was really the one we would go to with our troubles. He was quite jovial and good-natured. Henry reminded me of him a great deal in that way.

Do you have a favorite color?

Green.

Really? I would have pegged you as more of a golden type.

I’ve always loved green—it’s part of the reason I felt so at home in England.

I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, but I want to thank you for taking time out of your…eternity(?) to join us. I’m sure our readers will be thrilled.

And I wish to thank you for offering me this opportunity.

Well…you’re welcome.

That’s all we have for today, readers. Please join us again next time.