***Disclaimer: this is all in good fun, and no actual communing with the dead has occurred. Unless otherwise stated, yours truly wrote the answers and most of the questions.***
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Catherine of Aragon...
Thank you for joining us today.
It’s my pleasure.
First off, how’s the afterlife treating you?
I can’t complain.
You were Henry VIII’s first wife and it is well documented that you retained your affection for him even after he tossed you aside like an old glove. What was he like as a young man?
Old glove? I don’t think I much care for that phrase. As a young man, Henry was quite charming. Handsome, tall as an English oak, so sensitive and vivacious, and learned. In truth I never saw him as otherwise. The years did not touch him that I noticed.
So you were in love with him, then?
Of course. What woman who knew him wasn’t?
Is there anything you’d like to say on the subject of Anne Boleyn?
Well…the less said about that little tart, the better.
Her daughter Elizabeth turned out to be one of the greatest monarchs of British history.
Of course. Mistress Boleyn wasn’t without her qualities, few though they were. But young Elizabeth clearly took after her father. Her success is really a tribute to Henry. After all she barely knew the tram-…I mean, her mother.
It’s pretty well documented that Henry was a skank. How did you deal with his mistresses, most of whom were chosen from your ladies-in-waiting?
People have this idea that I was miserable as the long-suffering wife. True it did hurt at first, but in my time it was to be expected of a royal husband. Henry had a short attention span. He was always getting distracted by the latest shiny new thing. That was just the way he was.
It’s been said that your faith sustained you throughout the ordeal of being married to Henry and being removed from your position as queen.
My faith was always a great comfort. In a situation such as mine what else was there? Even had I not been raised in the faith, my marriage would have steered me toward a belief in a higher power. Henry was simply too changeable to be a final authority on much of anything.
Tell us about Prince Arthur.
I didn’t really know him well, but the time we had together was spent conversing on the spiritual and the philosophical. His health and inclinations really didn’t permit anything else. He seemed a fine young gentleman, though he was less than sanguine about the prospect of ruling, and there was absolutely no spark between us.
You insisted on retaining your title as Queen of England even unto your death. Why is that?
I think that should be fairly obvious. His Holiness refused to grant an annulment therefore I was still the rightful queen.
Yes, but Henry broke with the Catholic Church and created the Church of England with himself at the head.
I do not recognize the Church of England. I knew Henry had ego problems, but really—assuming God’s authority? That is a bit much. Besides, the annulment he granted himself was based on the premise that Arthur and I had consummated our union, and that did not happen.
How do you feel about your daughter Mary’s reign as Queen? About the persecution of Protestants that earned her the nickname Bloody Mary and spawned a perfectly hideous nursery rhyme?
The media can be so horrible, can’t they? The situation grieves me deeply.
That’s it? That’s all you have to say?
My lawyers have advised me not to comment further on this matter.
Oh, I see. Well then…what can you tell us about your parents?
They were like any other royal parents I suppose. Both were very busy. Mama could be quite distant at times, but we never doubted her love. Papa was really the one we would go to with our troubles. He was quite jovial and good-natured. Henry reminded me of him a great deal in that way.
Do you have a favorite color?
Really? I would have pegged you as more of a golden type.
I’ve always loved green—it’s part of the reason I felt so at home in England.
I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, but I want to thank you for taking time out of your…eternity(?) to join us. I’m sure our readers will be thrilled.
And I wish to thank you for offering me this opportunity.
That’s all we have for today, readers. Please join us again next time.