Ladies and gentlemen, readers and Austen fans of all ages,
We all know this is a special day for Jane's most popular novel. In celebration I am posting the personal ads I created for the main characters several years ago. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.
Wickham: Single white scoundrel seeks sweet young thing for weekends of fun in the sun. Interested parties send picture and 10 pounds to __________.
Darcy: Serious single man of means requires a woman of grace, intelligence, and spirit for witty banter and humbling declarations. Hoping for a societal equal, but willing to slum if the heart demands it. Please send resume.
Elizabeth: Nothing but the deepest love will induce me into matrimony. Are you game? Looking for a man who can hold his own in conversation, is loyal and truthful, must dance. Poets need not apply.
Caroline: Single society goddess seeks man of good fortune and exceptional taste. Must possess an excellent mind, a healthy appreciation for cleavage, and be named Fitzwilliam Darcy. Applicants from Derbyshire given preference.
Collins: Humble man of the cloth seeks woman of beauty and means to make his life worth living. If you like compliments, then I am the clergyman for you. I can offer a most excellent situation courtesy of my most noble and condescending patroness Lady Catherine de Burgh, and once my cousin takes his leave of this earth I will inherit an estate near Meryton. I should be most happy to obtain the hand of any lady who is handsome, charming, and willing to give me the time of day. I will do anything my lady requires. I'll be your devoted slave. I'm desperate. Please!
Charlotte: Happiness in marriage is a matter of chance, so take a
chance on me. I'm not choosy and would prefer a man who is open to suggestions from a most amiable wife. I'm a no nonsense lady with low expectations in life. You will gain a sensible wife of good family who is willing to overlook how annoying you are in exchange for security and relative peace. Also I have a hot best friend you can drool over.
Jane: Reserved young lady with embarrassing family seeks amiable young man to take me away from it all. Looking for marriage and 10 children. Must be able to tolerate frequent visits from silly mother-and-sisters-in-law. Please get me out of here. I do hope mother doesn't see this ad.
Bingley: Handsome young man of very reliable means seeks blooming country angel. This knight is ready to ride to your rescue. Likes music, loves to dance. Prefers mysterious shy quiet beauties. Let me be your Romeo and I guarantee a happy ending.
Lydia: Silly white female of youthful and playful disposition seeks fun-loving adventurous type. Must be dressed in regimentals, and generous with flattery. Willing to try anything once. Call me.
Mary: Intelligent, spiritually minded young lady seeks man of integrity for quiet evenings of prayer and reflection. Must possess a thorough knowledge of Scripture. Latin and Greek skills a plus. Would prefer a clergyman, but let's face it they're not exactly beating down the door. Preference given to individuals from Meryton, as I do not like to travel. Interested parties please write an essay on the virtue of purity and the family life, 1000 words minimum.
Kitty: Young lady who is not as silly as I used to be wishes to find a handsome young man of character, as father will not consent if I do not choose a sensible man. Prefer to live in or near Derbyshire to be close to my sisters Mrs. Bingley and Mrs. Darcy as I no longer speak to my sister Mrs. Wickham. Why did she have to get married before I did? I'm older. Would like wedding trip to Brighton.
Maria Lucas: Younger sister of realist, daughter of a knight, seeks handsome man who does not drone incessantly. Having seen the match my sister made leads me to believe that it would be best to marry a man from far away, therefore I would like to start a family in Wales or Scotland if possible. Would like intelligent man, wealth not a problem for me, but mostly just want to be loved and cherished. Sincere gentlemen may apply to my father Sir William Lucas for his approval before courting my favor. Prefer Col. Fitzwilliam type.
Lady Catherine: Dominant matriarch seeks submissive man of fortune and breeding for companionship and role-playing. Applicants must show investment portfolio, possess excellent taste in music, art, and literature, speak 5 languages, and have own whip. Send pedigree to Rosings Park, Kent for consideration.
Anne de Burgh: Gentle young lady of delicate constitution is searching for a handsome and romantic doctor of good family to get me the hell away from my domineering mother. Must not intimidate easily. I am pale and shy, but my dowry will make up for that. I may be a late bloomer, but I intend to learn quickly. Prefer to reside in or near Bath. Your caged bird awaits. Must understand metaphors.
We all know this is a special day for Jane's most popular novel. In celebration I am posting the personal ads I created for the main characters several years ago. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.
Wickham: Single white scoundrel seeks sweet young thing for weekends of fun in the sun. Interested parties send picture and 10 pounds to __________.
Darcy: Serious single man of means requires a woman of grace, intelligence, and spirit for witty banter and humbling declarations. Hoping for a societal equal, but willing to slum if the heart demands it. Please send resume.
Elizabeth: Nothing but the deepest love will induce me into matrimony. Are you game? Looking for a man who can hold his own in conversation, is loyal and truthful, must dance. Poets need not apply.
Caroline: Single society goddess seeks man of good fortune and exceptional taste. Must possess an excellent mind, a healthy appreciation for cleavage, and be named Fitzwilliam Darcy. Applicants from Derbyshire given preference.
Collins: Humble man of the cloth seeks woman of beauty and means to make his life worth living. If you like compliments, then I am the clergyman for you. I can offer a most excellent situation courtesy of my most noble and condescending patroness Lady Catherine de Burgh, and once my cousin takes his leave of this earth I will inherit an estate near Meryton. I should be most happy to obtain the hand of any lady who is handsome, charming, and willing to give me the time of day. I will do anything my lady requires. I'll be your devoted slave. I'm desperate. Please!
Charlotte: Happiness in marriage is a matter of chance, so take a
chance on me. I'm not choosy and would prefer a man who is open to suggestions from a most amiable wife. I'm a no nonsense lady with low expectations in life. You will gain a sensible wife of good family who is willing to overlook how annoying you are in exchange for security and relative peace. Also I have a hot best friend you can drool over.
Jane: Reserved young lady with embarrassing family seeks amiable young man to take me away from it all. Looking for marriage and 10 children. Must be able to tolerate frequent visits from silly mother-and-sisters-in-law. Please get me out of here. I do hope mother doesn't see this ad.
Bingley: Handsome young man of very reliable means seeks blooming country angel. This knight is ready to ride to your rescue. Likes music, loves to dance. Prefers mysterious shy quiet beauties. Let me be your Romeo and I guarantee a happy ending.
Lydia: Silly white female of youthful and playful disposition seeks fun-loving adventurous type. Must be dressed in regimentals, and generous with flattery. Willing to try anything once. Call me.
Mary: Intelligent, spiritually minded young lady seeks man of integrity for quiet evenings of prayer and reflection. Must possess a thorough knowledge of Scripture. Latin and Greek skills a plus. Would prefer a clergyman, but let's face it they're not exactly beating down the door. Preference given to individuals from Meryton, as I do not like to travel. Interested parties please write an essay on the virtue of purity and the family life, 1000 words minimum.
Kitty: Young lady who is not as silly as I used to be wishes to find a handsome young man of character, as father will not consent if I do not choose a sensible man. Prefer to live in or near Derbyshire to be close to my sisters Mrs. Bingley and Mrs. Darcy as I no longer speak to my sister Mrs. Wickham. Why did she have to get married before I did? I'm older. Would like wedding trip to Brighton.
Maria Lucas: Younger sister of realist, daughter of a knight, seeks handsome man who does not drone incessantly. Having seen the match my sister made leads me to believe that it would be best to marry a man from far away, therefore I would like to start a family in Wales or Scotland if possible. Would like intelligent man, wealth not a problem for me, but mostly just want to be loved and cherished. Sincere gentlemen may apply to my father Sir William Lucas for his approval before courting my favor. Prefer Col. Fitzwilliam type.
Lady Catherine: Dominant matriarch seeks submissive man of fortune and breeding for companionship and role-playing. Applicants must show investment portfolio, possess excellent taste in music, art, and literature, speak 5 languages, and have own whip. Send pedigree to Rosings Park, Kent for consideration.
Anne de Burgh: Gentle young lady of delicate constitution is searching for a handsome and romantic doctor of good family to get me the hell away from my domineering mother. Must not intimidate easily. I am pale and shy, but my dowry will make up for that. I may be a late bloomer, but I intend to learn quickly. Prefer to reside in or near Bath. Your caged bird awaits. Must understand metaphors.
RSS Feed