Kate Warren

fiction with humor and heart

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Excerpt

Six Sentence Sundays 6/3/2012

6/3/2012

30 Comments

 
Here it is Six Sentence Sunday again.  And here I am posting six sentences.   Thank you to all who read and/or commented last week.

Moving on to Chapter 4, Doug and Chloe have just made an important announcement.


"The silence was palpable and oppressive.  Even DJ was at a loss for words.  Melanie was on the verge of tears.  Matt looked up from his contemplation of the steak to stare at his father.  Stephanie noticed a distinct rhythm to her increased heart rate—a steady staccato that could best be described as eerily similar to the theme from Jaws. She knew she should say something and searched for an appropriate response."


That's all for me this week.  Please visit the dozens of talented authors who participate in Six Sentence Sundays.  And thank you for stopping by.

30 Comments
Patricia Preston link
6/3/2012 12:25:42 am

The announcement appears to have left everyone in shock. Love the Jaws theme comparison.

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Donna Cummings link
6/3/2012 12:38:56 am

I love seeing everyone's reactions -- and it increases the suspense, like waiting for the killer to confess in a murder mystery movie! Nice six.

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J.M. Blackman link
6/3/2012 01:29:46 am

Her heartbeat playing the Jaws theme is perfect. The tension in this six is perfect and totally relatable. Awesome.

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Silver James link
6/3/2012 03:32:18 am

Oh, Kate! I love the description of her heart beat. Comparing it to the theme from Jaws is so evocative and just...the reader can absolutely *feel* the rhythm and knows exactly what it is. Well done!!!

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Sandra Sookoo
6/3/2012 03:41:09 am

Wonder what she'll say? Nice job!

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S. J. Maylee link
6/3/2012 04:32:50 am

Thick tension, well drawn out and leaving us wanting. Well done.

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Kate Meader link
6/3/2012 04:37:49 am

The short, punchy sentences create a lovely build here. Very nicely done!

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Wildcats WIfe link
6/3/2012 05:00:53 am

It's so fun to eavesdrop at the dinner table during family discussions!!

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Cate Masters link
6/3/2012 05:05:54 am

Oh, you captured an awkward moment so well. Great work.

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sue link
6/3/2012 05:13:38 am

yes the Jaws line is perfect. I always have trouble getting in cultural references but you did this perfectly

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Karyn Good link
6/3/2012 05:13:46 am

Wonderful six! You conveyed the stunned silence perfectly! I, for one, can't wait to hear her response!

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Jess Schira link
6/3/2012 06:32:27 am

Not only did I enjoy the Jaws reference, I really liked the way the fifth sentence flows. Good, solid six!

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Joya Fields link
6/3/2012 06:36:15 am

Great six. Love the comparison of her heartbeat to the Jaws music. :)

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Angela Quarles link
6/3/2012 06:38:16 am

You did such a great job showing everyone's reactions, in character, or even, in the case of DJ, how different it is to show how shocking it was...

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Sue Ann Bowling link
6/3/2012 06:39:37 am

Never saw Jaws, so that reference was lost on me. But if the important announcement had to do with future plans-- Lots of potential conflict and tension here.

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Monica Enderle Pierce link
6/3/2012 06:50:12 am

...eerily similar to the theme from Jaws -- love it! Great tension in these six.

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Sarah W link
6/3/2012 07:26:18 am

Uh-oh. I think I can guess (in two tries) what the announcement was . . .

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Veronica Scott link
6/3/2012 07:34:32 am

Wow, tense! The description was excellent, really drew me into the scene and the use of the "Jaws" theme just upped the emotions. Terrific six!

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Karen de Lange link
6/3/2012 08:06:13 am

Great description of a breath-holding moment, fantastic how you've shown the tension here.

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Joanne Stewart link
6/3/2012 08:10:27 am

Wow. I can feel the tension in the room. Geez. What on earth did he say? Fabulous snippet!

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Mae Clair link
6/3/2012 08:53:52 am

Postively bursting with tension! Fantastic scene setting and awesome descriptions. I love the Jaws reference. This was wonderfully done!

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Goran link
6/3/2012 09:06:23 am

The jaws theme analogy was well done. It completely gave the scene context.

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Denny S. Bryce link
6/3/2012 10:02:43 am

Well done, and such a wonderful way to bring 'sound' into the scene.

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Carrie-Anne link
6/3/2012 02:28:18 pm

Great descriptions of the silence and everyone's reactions.

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teresacypher@yahoo.com link
6/3/2012 03:35:10 pm

Totally awkward silence...and it is written so well. It made me feel sort of uncomfortable for all of them :-) Another great six, Kate :-) !

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Paula Martin link
6/3/2012 09:40:19 pm

Excellent description of all the different reactions.

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Elin Gregory link
6/3/2012 11:12:59 pm

I'm cringing with embarrassment and I'm not even there. Excellent writing.

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A.S. Fenichel link
6/3/2012 11:32:52 pm

Great description of the heartbeat. Nice six!

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Lorraine Paton link
6/4/2012 02:02:58 pm

Kate, you've captured this moment wonderfully! Love the Jaws comparison. My heart goes out to all them.

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Lee Ann Ward link
6/4/2012 02:11:46 pm

Love these six, Kate! You describe the tension so well, I feel it! Well done :)

Reply



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